Lady Ridiculousthatwepayattentiontoherantics

The Earl realizes that some of Lady Gaga's songs may be catchy.....but....really? The Earl sees this as an attempt to be different from everyone else...and in doing so she's like everyone else...Hollywood-dumb.

What does she want to be known for? -Her singing talent? (cause it can't be that) Or that fact that she's just flat out weird? -Ridiculously weird. The poor girl acts and dresses like she's 5. It's sad really. *sigh* What happened to the good ol' days when people sang songs for meaning, or to tell a story?

The other day the Earl was in his car en route to work when that "Tik Tok" song by Keisha came on the radio:

(SONG LYRICS IN GREEN/ THE EARL'S COMMENTARY IN BLUE)

"Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy -oh like he's a role model.
(Hey, what up girl?)
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city -to find a respectable job?
(Lets go)
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack -well that can't be sanitary
'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back" -your odds of getting hired probably just increased substantially.

Really?

Hollywood needs a leash.

This is the Earl. -and he thanks you.

Piece o' Shirt

This is a shirt, obviously. But it's not just any shirt because the existence of this shirt, at its retail price, angers me. If you have a measly $95 lying around,(that's right 95 United States Dollars!) this incredible "piece o' shirt" can be yours, complete with baby urine stains. Actually, the description offered is this:

"This limited-edition, hand-painted tee was inspired by the abstract beauty of the color-splashed artist's palette. Each tee is one of a kind and painted exclusively for us by a New York artist. Cotton. Loose fit. Deep V-neck. Short sleeves. Part of the J.Crew Collection. Import. Hand wash."

Really? A New York artist dumps paint on herself so you are going to throw down 95 bones for her to dump paint on you too? You are a moron if you buy it at this price and should punch yourself in the face-just an opinion.

In unrelated news, this shirt that I just invented right now with as little thought as possible is inspired by dumping a different "color-splashed palette" and can be yours for only half the price of paint-dump shirt! (disclaimer: those stains are exactly what you think they are...but for only $47.50!).



Boom.

Pet Peeves

A few things that pet the Earl's peeves the wrong way:

Your in for a treat. Prepare too have you're hair stand on end. Instead of writing out a list of things that bother the Earl, your instead going two read a story of a simple trip too the world's finest fast-food restaurant, Taco Bell.

It was a typical Wednesday evening when the Earl and family decided two opt out of economical and nutrition-friendly "cooking in" and instead feed our addiction for our drug, Taco Bell. The Earl has a biased (not bias *sigh*) affinity for Tex-mex vice authentic Mexican and so off we went. It was 7 o'clock.

Firstly, the Earl hit the drive thru and had too wait in line. This, depending on you're approximation two the menu, is actually an ideal situation as it affords the Earl time too gather the family's order in preparation for the clear, concise, and correct radio transmission too follow.

"Welcome too Taco Bell would you like two try one of our burritos today?" asked the radio transmission device in a sweet feminine tone.

The Earl's family order had yet too be determined and as such, the seemingly requisite response was relayed, "No thank you. The Earl needs a second."

"Order when your ready" replies the deep, third-party, masculine voice. Where did this guy come from? 0.3 seconds later the Earl realizes that the sweet feminine voice was simply a recording to lull one's self into a false sense of "this place cares."

With the order finalized and authenticated by the vehicle morale and support commander, the Earl is prepared two make the request. In one expeditious radio transmission, the Earl declares, "The Earl would like a bean burrito and mexican pizza, (*pause* so as too allow the high school dropout at the cash register time two gather their thoughts) a number one with a soft shell and a mountain dew, and finally to cheese roll-ups with a side of jalapeno sauce."

Much two the Earl's dismay, this is almost always followed with, "ok what did you want to drink with that number one?"

*sigh* "Mountain Dew"

"Did you want hard or soft tacos with that?"

Lord grant me strength. "Soft tacos please" -and grant them the skills requisite to work a register.

"Ok I've got a bean burrito, mexican pizza, a number one with soft tacos and a mountain dew, and too cheese roll-ups. Will that be all?"

This is not rocket surgery. How can they constantly forget..."and a side of jalapeno sauce."

"you want jalapenos?"

"no. the sauce. jalapeno sauce."

-11 month pregnant pause-

They always have trouble finding the jalapeno sauce at the register. It's under the "sauces" drop down menu. "It's under sauces."

-additional radio silence-

"ok, that'll be $14.39"

The Earl finally receives the order and the return leg home is almost inevitably concluded with "Babe, can you hand the Earl the jalapeno sauce?" What ensues is an all out search for the one little piece of heaven which makes the Taco Bell experience worth the trip.

"MISSING: jalapeno sauce, last seen at Taco Bell register awaiting to be placed in bag for customer who paid $.10 for it and now is two far away too care two make the trip back in retrieval."

Two sum it all up in a word: siiiiiiiiigh. But the Earl's addiction is worth the agony of stupidity. Again and again the Earl will venture forth and partake in sweet tex-mex indulgences.

This is the Earl. -and he thanks you.

Like Penguins off an iceberg

Many of you may be familiar with the penguins/iceberg analogy. For those unfamiliar let me explain: think of your mind as the iceberg, and every piece of information you know is a penguin. The joke is that the iceberg is of finite size so eventually it will be full of penguins and in order to fit more penguins on the iceberg, others are going to have to fall off.

Well, The Earl sent me a picture of penguins diving off an iceberg and I thought it was hilarious. After a small amount of research (wherein I lost a few more of my penguins) I found an actual photo representation of my very own iceBERG.

Not too impressive, I know... and you can just see "knowledge of reading" about to jump. (Don't worry, "writing" and "pooping" don't look like they're going anywhere soon.)

Something I just realized I really dislike

Ok, here is something I'm going to get on my soapbox about: internet TV.

TV networks know what we want--to watch TV at our own convenience, on the internet--but they refuse to let us do it how we want. "Oh, but Berg, you're totally wrong. I just watched the newest episode of The Office online without a problem." Wrong! There was a problem. You just watched the newest episode, not any episode. Networks will only let you watch one of a small selection, instead of any episode you want at any time.

I am not going to claim super-power expertise in the field of TV marketing, but I bet the reasons they are so stingy go something like this: 1) if we let Berg watch whatever he wants on the internet, where he has come to expect a relative dearth of commercials, he won't be watching the re-runs on tv and watching the advertisements we want him to watch like a mindless-zombie. 2) if we let Berg watch his favorite shows on the internet then we will be losing revenue on DVD sales. 3) If we have all the shows on the internet the chances that Berg will watch a new show we put on right after, or before, the show he already watches he won't be as likely to watch it.

There are probably others, you can comment them and I'll respond, but let me answer these ones for now: First off, the networks are correct in two of those assessments. I won't watch re-runs on tv, I won't buy dvd's. Of course, I don't do that already so they won't lose out. As far as watching ads during tv go...I don't know anybody who does that anyway. Ever since they invented the DVR there is no point in watching a commercial...seriously. Even for the newest episodes of whatever it is worth just pausing it for ten minutes before you start so you don't have to sit through commercials. And as far as DVD's go--that is already going out of style. DVD's are not long for this earth, it is only a matter of time until we are all just streaming our favorite stuff to watch. We are living in the digital age and won't be needing physical media much longer thanks to bigger and cheaper memory. It is already just as easy for me to download a season of something from iTunes and then stream it to my TV as it is for me to go buy a DVD, and put it in my player.

As far as not watching new shows is concerned, that is easy--advertise new stuff on your web-page that I will be frequenting when you have all the shows I want to watch on it. That really answers the other two questions as well. I am a lot more likely to look at advertisements that are at the edges of the screen than I am to watch them on a show I have already DVR'd. I'm also a lot more likely to visit your web-page a lot more often if you had all the shows I want to watch.

The bottom line is that the networks refuse to give us what we want and instead are trying to tell us what we want. Well guess what? This is America and sooner or later someone else is going to see the potential and swoop in and be awesome...why not just do it now so you don't have to lose the marketshare to the startup who is giving the people what they want instead of telling them.

Come to think of it, maybe I'll just go read a book.

It may not be quitting, but it sure ain't winning

Greetings friends! Pat yourself on the back again for being "in the know" and reading this blog. You are smarter than those around you.

My name is Berg, I am obviously the "Berg" portion of Tearlberg, and it will be my pleasure today to provide a different perspective on Big T's argument that it is acceptable for coaches to take out their best players at the end of a season.

First off, I do not argue that they have the right, obviously as head coaches they have that authority, I'm merely saying that they shouldn't. This past year is a great example to look at since the Colts essentially gave up a pursuit of perfection. That is my first point...I don't believe it's good practice to essentially do "just enough" on a job. Any job worth doing is worth doing right, to include winning your next football game, whether you are 14-0 or 0-14, you don't just let it slide, especially in pro sports where you are paid ridiculous amounts of money as a grown man to play a game. Something the rest of us do on a Saturday for fun.

That brings me to my next point, grown men playing a game as a profession is only possible because there are a lot of people, like me, out there who are willing to pay hard-earned money to watch it. It is an entertainment industry...that's it. That's what it all boils down to. Undoubtedly there are men out there playing it for love of the game, but the only reason they can is because Joe-Sports-Fan out there is willing to pay for him to do...as long as it is entertaining that is. Contrary to popular belief, the goal of the Indianapolis Colts is NOT to win the Super Bowl, that is a secondary goal. The purpose of the Indianapolis Colts, as an organization, is to make money. The best way to make money is to have fans, the best way to have fans is to be fun to watch, and winning the Super Bowl is a good way to make your fans happy...but so is winning every game and winning the Super Bowl, something the Colts had a chance to do before taking out their best players to avoid injury.

As a fan of the Colts I am upset that I had to watch Peyton Manning NOT play when I tuned in to watch. I am an admitted bandwagon fan of the Colts. I basically like them because I like watching perhaps the greatest quarterback of all time practice his art. Hey, as a fan, I am the one enabling him to perfect his craft so it is only natural that I want to reap the benefits by watching him do it, instead of watching him sit on the sidelines busying himself with not getting hurt.

Now, I realize that there is a chance that Peyton could get hurt in the fifteen to twenty series he sat out this season over the course of the game and a half or so, but that is part of the sport too. No, I don't want him to get hurt, that would be terrible. Beside the fact that I would never want someone to get hurt, I wouldn't be able to watch him play...of course, that is a moot point since I wasn't watching him play anyway. Look, football is dangerous, just like every other sport and practically every other activity out there. Peyton is just as likely to fall down the stairs, or get in a car accident, or choke on his breakfast, or any one of a hundred things we are all susceptible to. Life is short and hazardous so let me watch my favorite player while he's healthy. I am a fan, and that is what I want to watch. There are precious few games in an entire season in the NFL so the last thing I want to do is watch some scrubs for a few of them.

I'm not even sure that there is enough evidence to show that a team gains an advantage by resting their stars players to have them "fresh" during the playoffs. Certainly they are better off if their best players avoid injury, but we have already addressed that. I am talking about the assumption that they will have fresh legs and perform better after a long season if they get a little rest leading in to the playoffs. The playoffs are a totally different beast than the regular season (something that really irritates me, but that may be a rant for a different day), so you can't afford to have your best players be rusty after sitting on their butts, picking their noses on the practice field. Fresh legs are not as critical as good timing and playing at the same speed. It is better to be tired but fast and on time, than it is to be fresh and sluggish with your timing, especially for a quarterback and his receivers. It may only take a quarter or two to get used to the speed again, but in the playoffs that may be too little too late. As a player I would much rather be riding the high of being undefeated than of being a fresh loser.

So coaches, sorry if your football players get hurt by playing football for my entertainment, but there is no such thing as an unimportant game. As a fan, if I'm watching, it's important...play to win.

-Berg

Quitting - There's No Quitting In Football!

Phew...well hello there! Don't mind me, I just got done riding my pet T-rex around the world, no big deal. And let me tell you there are some sites to see out there. What have I been doing you may ask yourself. Well doing what any intelligent being would do, like myself. Spreading my knowledge of sports and sports type opinions to those that haven't a clue what they are missing. You shall call me Mr. T or just T for short, ya that will work. I am the T in the great and powerful Tearlberg. Yes you should cower a bit. But let's move on to what your really here for. Spectacular opinions in sports!

I recently found myself rather engaged in a discussion on some recent events in the NFL. As most of you know, in week 16, Indianapolis decided to take a knee and sit there starters after a few moments of playing time. The problem? Well they were 14-0 and working their way towards immortality (in the NFL at least), joining the 1972 Dolphins as the only truly undefeated team in NFL history (Gotta win them all New England); when their rookie coach made the following decision.

Jim Caldwell took it upon himself to take his starting lineup out of the game. He has been criticized every way possible. How could you possibly ruin your chance at such a tremendous season? I even heard one ESPN broadcaster say that the Indianapolis Colts taught every child in that stadium that day how to QUIT. Are you serious? Ok people before I rant let me make some key points here. Indianapolis had already sealed up the #1 seed in the AFC. Quitting is not what the Colts did, Quitting is what the Detroit Lions did...oh about 7 seasons ago. It was never the goal of the Colts to have an undefeated season, but it was their goal to win the super bowl. You see the Colts have not quit, but in fact have set their self’s up to be rested and in good health for their upcoming game against the Ravens.

Quitting is based off of not completing a task that an individual or group has set out to accomplish. Since this undefeated season was not the goal, the Colts have not quit, nor have they showed others how to quit. In fact they have showed others how to be rewarded for working hard. Because of their accomplishments the Colts were given the opportunity to play to stay sharp and then rest for upcoming games. Yes, Yes I realize that some timing or momentum could be lost due to this time off, but don't kid yourself these 30'something year old men need rest. Have you seen the toll Football takes on the body?

How quickly does it take to get injured? Ask Carson Palmer, Tom Brady, Chad Pennington, Troy Aikman, or even Wes Welker to name a few. In the Colts situation, what would they do without Peyton Manning? Now that is not the purpose of this post, so I will let that one slide.

This was not quitting, don't even let your mind go there. This wasn’t even a remotely stupid coaching decision. Let the `72 Dolphins cheers, because let’s be honest the only thing that matters in the NFL is winning that trophy, and that decision very well could have helped.

~T
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